The Worst Albums & Songs
(This article was printed in the January / February 2008 issue of Strictly Country Magazine.)
Each year, we receive hundreds of albums and singles, in need of review. Some are good, while others make you question why? At the end of the year we, the staff, endure one last torture while the President gathers up the worst albums to play for us. This year, the torture was immense.
The demise of these albums is that they sit on the shelf only to gather dust. When in reality we would love to use them as coasters for our drinks.
This year we add twenty new albums and singles to our ever growing pile of CD coasters.
First to hit our list is Jack Ingram’s This Is It. This is one of those albums that teeters from side to side. In fact, we still question whether it belongs on this list or not. In the end, we all agree that it belongs low on this list. Jack Ingram really needs to perform with emotion. He has the vocal talent; however, it lacks the emotion.
Second our list comes from Pat Green. His debut album Cannonball is just that - a cannonball. Green is a good songwriter, however, he sounds like many other artists who love classic rock who believe that they can make it in country.
We continue with Phil Vassar’s Greatest Hits album. The album contains fifteen previously released singles. Singles that include “Last Day of My Life,” “I’m Alright” and the hot tub song. Phil is a unique song writer. He comes up with something new and cross breeds that with an existing classic rock song; therefore, creating a unique blend of stolen music. However, most country music fans don’t realize this because they only listen to country. Where as a fan of classic rock, who also dabbles in country, is able pick out the stolen music from each song. My question is how is ARISTA able to deal with the stolen property?
The biggest shock of 2007 came with Miranda Lambert’s new album Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. The album opens with “Gunpowder & Lead.” It’s a song that speaks of waiting to kill a man who has abused her. I’m sure that many abused women have felt that way. However, there are other ways, legal ways. The album is a collection of bold songs. Miranda and SONY thought that they had a hit with this one, when they actually had a flusher.
Many on our list are debut singles and albums. The next is a debut single from Amber Rhodes. Rhodes’ bio states that she is the next Taylor Swift. We believe that there is a long list of entertainers between Taylor and Amber. Now, if Amber were to perform with more emotion, then perhaps she may get closer to Swift.
What happens when you smoke and drink to much? You get Deon Taylor. Deon’s album Light After Dark reminds us of some of the crazy people that you find at a Wal-Mart at two in the morning.
Next to hit our list comes from a brainy yak. Liz Carlisle is an intelligent woman with many degrees under her belt. We appreciate and acknowledge that. However, Liz’s debut album Big Dreams proves that she should have known not to engage into music. Rather sit back and listen to it.
Where as Carmen Rasmusen’s Nothin’ Like The Summer is one that sounds like to many others. We will give credit where credit is due. In this case we’ll give her the credit for trying. However, she tries to hard. She needs to let loose and feel the music.
How much more do we have to endure from April Taylor? In 2007, we received April’s latest with I Wanna Live Like That. Words can not describe the unprofessional sound that comes from this one.
Next to hit our list is Songs For Somebody by Bobby Pinson. Sure these are songs for somebody if they are listening from an extreme distance. I have heard children sound better than this man.
The big state of Texas has provided us with an array of great country entertainers. However, Jeff Griffith is not one of them. If It Ain’t One Thing It’s Another is proof that everyone from Texas believes that they too can be a country music entertainer. Sorry Jeff, we have already heard the best of Texas and you’re not one.
Sometimes you just have to say NO! That is the case with Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers’ No More Beautiful World. It won’t be if you continue.
We continue with Lisa Dames’ No One Like Me. That’s for damn sure! You said it all in the title. Trust us, we are glad that there is only one of you.
Turn it off! Turn it off! It’s Sharmain with Sharmain. More like Charmin toilet tissue!
Another artist that we get bombarded by is Sammy Sadler. This year we received his single “Heart Shaped Like Texas.” Well Texas is not in the shape of a heart! If you didn’t make it way back then, what makes you think that you’ll make it now?
Another artist that just won’t quit is Todd Fritsch. This year we received two singles to back his new album. All three stink like cow crap! The First is “What’s Wrong With Me.” I could go on with what is wrong with you, but I don’t have the room. I do love the concept of promotions on this one. It’s a picture of a chicken with Todd’s head on it. Perfect! The second single is “Every Honky Tonkin’ Hero (Has His Day)” that backs up his album Sawdust. The title of the album says it all. We’ll give him credit for truth in advertising!
This brings us to our top three worst albums of 2007. We begin with Lisa O’Kane’s It Don’t Hurt. Sure it doesn’t hurt if you don’t have to listen to your own music! Lisa screams through half the songs. I would rather listen to pre-schoolers sing then Lisa O’Kane.
Our second worst album comes from Jerry Donohue with The Ballad Of Tex & Patsy. One of the things that we do at Strictly Country is we listen to the entire album that we need to review. Then we gather around and voice our opinions. This is one album that we just could not get pass the first song. The great thing about America is that everyone has the freedom to sing, perform and record an album. The bad thing about America is that everyone has the freedom to sing, perform and record an album. This album was a waste of valuable resources. Green Peace should be knocking on Jerry’s door and asking him why he polluted the earth with this.
Speaking of pollution, we now come to the winner of the Strictly Country CD Coaster Award. The award goes to Vin Lamar for his self entitled debut album. This album has potential, if thrown into a fire. Vin Lamar is a singer / songwriter. His singing is worst than Homer Simpson’s. His writing is out there in another dimension. The only thing that would save this wreck is if he were to give his ideas to a real writer who could write a real song for a real singer.
Not every person can sing. Not every person can write. If every person who was told that they could sing were to record an album, the streets would be littered with cds rather than paper.
Which proposes the question, where do these people get the notion to record an album? Really?! To record a demo album the cost begins at $25,000 and goes up from there! So, if they can afford the cost, then they must have a good job? Why not stay at that job? If you are willing to throw away that much cash, I know a lot of people who could use it - including me.
What is my new year’s wish? Well, I only wish that you could hear some of the music that we hear. Garbage like this is tolerable compared to the extraordinary songs on our list of Top Songs of 2007.
So there you have it, our list of the top worst albums of 2007. The next time you have a party and need drink coasters feel free to get one of these cds.
What will 2008 bring? Tune in, you won’t want to miss it!
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