The Worst Albums & Songs
(This article was printed in the January / February 2010 issue of Strictly Country Magazine.)
Ah...another year gone! Another year filled with, oh wait, that's right - we're here to tell you about the worst music that was released in 2010!
The worst part about writing this article is the fact that we have to endure this - so called music, again.
We began the year on a good note. Many of the albums that we received were filled with great music and incredible talent. However, Allen Karl was the exception. Allen, known as the smiling cowboy, would make us want to vomit every time we saw his picture. But, beyond his image was a man who is old fashioned with out vocal abilities. Through the past two years, we had to endure three of his albums, including a Christmas album. However, in 2010 his My Final Rose hit our list of Bad albums.
Another to hit our list was Anita Cochran. This was a hit and a miss with our list. It was her album, Serenity, that made our list. This album sounded so much like someone else had recorded each of these songs. In the end, we believe that Wynonna Judd could do a far much better job than Anita did.
Our next artist, David Church, is one of RFDTV's most requested artist. Which we don't believe. This past year we had to endure his There You Are album. In which David performed songs by other artists in his lack of vocal talent. This album sounded like it was recorded in our neighbor's garage.
We continue our list with Elizabeth's Somebody's Praying For You. We don't like to make fun of inspirational music, but this album title says it all. Someone is praying that Elizabeth gets some new vocals. Her vocals were so high pitched that we had to turn this one off before the first song ended!
It was a tough year for Mindy McCready. We all support her and her choice to get off drugs. However, we don't support her album I'm Still Here. This album features Mindy performing songs like "The Dance" and "Ten Thousand Angels." This album was a blatant attempt to remind us of who Mindy was and not who she is today. We believe that she could have done much better.
Our list continues with Becky Schlegel. How many times must we endure your crap, Becky? Let us guess, you are going for the entertainer who hits this list the most? Becky released Dandelion, a perfect name because we detest this album like we detest the flower of the same name.
Michelle Turley hit our list with her album, Dance With Me Tonight. In this album Michelle performs as if she can not get into the right voice, or mentally get into the songs to perform them. However, most of the time she doesn't have the vocal range to pull off performing each of the songs the way they were written. Which is sad, because she wrote majority of the songs!
During May and June we were entertained by some incredible music. However, Miranda Lambert was not one of them. Her album, Revolution, hit low on our list. We have some hope for her, even though her music is all over the place. Most entertainers have one direction that they take with a little deviation here and there. With Miranda, you never know which direction she is taking. This album was a total bomb, in our ears.
Another to hit our list is Lathan Moore's Love In Your Life. He hits our list because he has no talent of his own. He is not his own entertainer. He sounds like so many before him. Now, if he were to alter his music, just slightly he would not end up on this list.
We got a big shock from Nora Jane Struthers in her self entitled album. The best way to describe Nora is that she is Gothic Bluegrass. Her music speaks of death and her vocals were are like death. Sometimes she could perform a song so elegantly. But most of the time her vocals were mono tone. Thus bringing her album to this list.
With all the promotions that Bo Bice received over his Bo Bice 3 album, we were not sold. Bo does not have anything within his talent to make him stand out amongst the rest. He is a total cookie cutter entertainer.
For the second time, Jeff Cook hits our list with his Shaken...Not Stirred album. Jeff, you are not Bond and without your Alabama counter parts, I can't say that you are all that good. Please spare us by not recording another album!
The end of the year brought up a lot of garbage. We honestly thought that we were not taking out our own garbage with what we heard.
We begin with Rob Baird and his album Blue Eyed Angels. This album is the perfect example for entertainers to get to know who the person who will be mixing your music. In this album, the mix between vocals and instrumentals was so horrific! It almost sounded as if the person didn't care for Rob's vocals so they masked them with the instrumentals.
But the true artistry, or really lack of came in the form of The Kyle Bennett Band in Grey Sunrise. We have to laugh at this one. We try not to judge a book by it's cover. Many times we find an album with an ugly cover filled with beautiful music. But this one, why would you have an album with the name "Grey Sunrise" with a skull and a snake on the cover? Okay?! Well once we got past the cover we found that this album was one very long song. In other words, each song sounded like the last song, only with different lyrics. It sounded like this... blah, blah, blah, good song, blah, blah, good song, blah. We just can not justify an album like that.
We follow that with Burns & Poe's five single EP. This duo is one of those that teeters on good and bad. On one hand they have some vocal talent. On the other hand the songs they choose to perform stink. So, what do you do? You add them to this list.
Another artist we have had to endure time and time again is Susan Hickman. We're sorry but big boobs alone do not get you any where. Her self entitled album, feature a big breasted untalented woman. Her music sounds as if she is a spoiled brat who gets what she wants. Well, Susan - you got on our list!
We continue our list with Joanna Mosca and her album Keep On Going. Sure you can keep on going right out to the garbage can! This album lands on our list of manufactured entertainers. There is no way in hell that she could be that perfect. On top of that many of her songs maintain the same melody with different lyrics. We have no idea why entertainers do this. Rather do they know why? The question may never be answered!
Our list continues with Martha Sides and her album I Got Faith. More like we have faith that you will never make it, even on the honky tonk scene side. Martha would be an asset as a session entertainer doing back-up vocals. She can sing, she just can not sell the song. She doesn't have the talent that is required to bring a song alive. Thus, making her sound - we hate to say - horrible.
We now come upon Stonehoney and their album The Cedar Creek Sessions. The nice thing about this album is that it was recorded in the traditional way, with no overdubs. The bad thing about this album - is it stunk. It was like listening to the worlds longest song. The only way we knew it wasn't one song is because of the breaks and the different preludes.
For the first time, since we began compiling this list, we have a book. Blind But Now I See: The Biography of Music Legend Doc Watson by Kent Gustavson, PHD, hits our list. We feel sorry for fans of Doc Watson to have to endure such a poorly written book. Dr. Kent took all of the interviews that Doc Watson ever did and mixed them with a story. In other words, he writes a story about Doc and then inserts a clip from an interview that had nothing to do with the story! We couldn't even get past the first chapter.
This brings us to our Top 5, worst albums of 2010!
We begin with Sahara Smith and her album Myth of The Heart. It's a myth that any one can understand Sahara. She has a beautiful set of vocals, she just does not enunciate. So, how can we tell what you are singing if you don't enunciate?
Coming in at number 4 is Nathaniel Rateliff with In Memory of Loss. The perfect name for this album. We only hope our memory is loss when it comes to hearing this album.
Coming in at number 3 is Teea Goans in The Way I Remember It. Look we don't want to be reminded of how you butchered other entertainer's songs! Why must nobodies re-record other songs made popular by legends? Teea should be banned from ever recording another album again!
Coming in at number 2 is Hank III with Rebel Within. This album makes us wonder why? When we listened to this album we were going 'what do we do?' The only thing we can say is talent skipped a generation.
We now come to our Top Worst Album of 2010. Drum roll please... The honor and CD Coaster Award goes to Jeremy Parsons and his album Doggondest Feelin' . First of all get the freaking clown suit off. Second, grow some. This man sounds like his genitalia is hooked up to a car battery. We like the legends, like Kitty Wells and Hank Williams. But, this poser is trying so hard to sound like the legends that we swear that the legends - those who have passed, bless their souls - are rolling in their graves. We would burn this one, but we believe that God would strike us dead. Please don't ever record another album ever!
There you have it, our list of Top Worst Albums, singles and books of 2010! What will 2011 bring? Well our circular file is half full and it's only January! Tune in - in January 2012 to see - rather hear!
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