The Worst Albums & Songs
In my years in country music, I have heard many wonderful songs by many talented entertainers. A lot of these entertainers went on to claim fame. While other talented entertainers were rarely heard. It’s just to bad.
The one thing that you as a fan will never have the opportunity to hear, is all of the albums that don’t have a chance. Let me put it this way - hell would have to freeze over in order to hear these albums.
Last year, we had twenty-one albums that made our list of bad albums. Just to remind you, we do not hear all of the albums coming out of country music. In fact we probably hear up to 50% of the albums released in country music. Out of that 50% and out of all the albums that went through our offices in 2006, here are the albums that made our list of bad albums...
We begin with Emerson Drive’s newest album Countrified. This is one of those albums that teeters on the boarder of good and bad. Majority of the album is fairly decent. However, it’s the last cut on the album that brings this one to the list. The group includes their version of "Devil Went Down To Georgia." The song was originally recorded by Charlie Daniels. It’s one of those songs that should be banned from being re-recorded by other performers. In this case, Emerson Drive butchered the song to the point that the industry responded by banning the album completely. It was Teddy Gentry, from the super group Alabama, who produced this album. What was Teddy smoking when he heard this horrible version. My question is, what the hell were you guys thinking? What would posses you to record this infamous song the way you did?
The second album on the list, comes from a fellow Wisconsinite, Brian Stace. Stace’s album Blue Eyed Bad Boy is proof that he will never make it to the big leagues. It’s a shame too. It would be nice to have a performer from my home state. Stace is the perfect example that you can’t make it on looks alone. You have to have talent, and a lot of it!
When Natalie Howard’s self entitled album arrived on my desk, I thought that the Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks was trying to pull a Garth Brooks. Then I took a listen. Howard sings, actually, she mumbles through her songs. Enunciation! It’s the key to a good performer.
Now Wayne Scott is an accomplished song writer. However, as a performer - let me put it this way - he’s no Johnny Cash! This Weary Way is a collection of Scott’s songs. Don’t release this as an album! Release it as a demo for other artists to take and record!
Mitchell John will always be the hometown singer who the locals will always encourage to go for the big time. The proof is in his Live At The Alberta Bair Theater album. The album portrays John performing other entertainers songs. Get the clue, man! You can’t make it on other people’s stuff!
Michael Lee Austin is another who will be sitting in the local bar dreaming about performing in big venues. His debut album Labor Pains is simply stated a pain to listen too.
One album that surprised all of us came from Cheryl Peach. Peach, who served in the military chose to record an album entitled American Salute. She will always be a secondary person who provides live music for her fellow soldiers, while they drink. However, we will honor her for her service in the military.
GiGi Denisco’s Too Close For Comfort shocked us all. Let me put it this way, you know you’re bad when you can’t even get an independent label to back you.
Stoll Vaughan is another one who is a decent writer. The proof is in his album Love Like A Mule. However, he doesn’t have the vocal diversity needed. In each song, Stoll’s vocals are the same tone.
We were stunned when we heard Brett Dennen’ So Much More. Again, Brett is a fair song writer. However, his vocals sound as if he were kicked in the crotch too much as a child. He has a childish vocals that are quite annoying.
Another shock came when Mary Abraham’s album The First Five landed on my desk. Let me put it this way, all the drugs at Woodstock wouldn’t help this one.
We now come to the final ten worst albums of 2006. I cringe when I even have to look at these albums.
Let’s start with Shawn King. King is the wife of talk show host Larry King. I can just see it. The two of them sitting around their mansion. Shawn expressing how she is board. Then Larry says, ‘why don’t you record an album? I’ll promote you.’ In other words, why not ride on my coat tails to promote your no talent butt. I nor the industry fell for this one. King’s album, In My Own Backyard stayed in her backyard.
Coming in at #9 on our list is Sonny Burgess’s Stronger. The best way to describe Sonny, is that he is a cheesy man who believes he is already at the top. I have news for you. You are so far down on the chart that the local teenage band sounds better than you.
Coming in at #8 is Pete Schlegel’s I’m Not Listening. Appropriate name for this one. Then again, perhaps - Nobody’s Listening would be a better title. Pete, you may not be listening, but I can guarantee you that no one else is listening either!
Coming at #7 of our list of worst albums of 2006 is Nothing Else To Do by Shelby Downing. You didn’t want to learn a trade, so you thought that you could record an album? Well, I have something far better to do than to listen to you!
Ronnie Baker’s self entitled album comes in at #6. Go be a butcher, baker or a candlestick maker because you are not singer!
We now come up on the five worst albums of 2006. I feel sorry for the people who are associated with these albums. There is no way that I would put my name on any part of these albums. Chances are most of the people associated with these artists do it for the money. Perhaps they are so immune to the bad talent of these want-to-bees that it doesn’t faze them. Then again, they too are probably want-to-bees themselves. They are so eager to make it in this industry that they hope and dream with each recording that they will be the one to ‘discover’ the next phenomenon. Whatever it is that drives them, well it’s simply wrong!
These albums are a waste of time and energy. Perhaps these entertainers should be fined. Fined by the world for adding to the ever growing problem of human waste that fills our land fills.
Well, here we go - landing in the #5 spot is Maggie Austin’s Georgia Clay Road. Maggie reminds me of one of the many teeny boppers who try out for American Idol. Her high pitched vocals are hard to listen too. At times they are almost piercing.
Coming in at #4 is Big Rain. Their sell job is that "After a Big Rain, everything is left fresh." Well, not when it comes to their self-entitled debut album. This is far from the fresh atmosphere provided after a big rain. Have you ever tried enunciating?
Coming in at # 3 is Tresa Street’s Baby It’s You 1996 Reissue. Why oh why did you think that reissuing this album, if you call it that, would help you? Get off the pot, someone else needs to use it!
Speaking of toilets, I think that I’m going to vomit. Coming in at #2 is Skyla Spencer’s You Said You’d Call Me. No I didn’t! I never said that and I don’t think anyone else did either!
When ever we receive a bad album we add them to our ever growing pile of CD’s that we use as drink coasters. However, I would hate to host a party in our offices. For, I believe that our guests may end up sick just by looking at the cds that end up as our coasters.
In saying that, the Number 1 album that earns the title of Worst Album of 2006 and earns the CD Coaster Award is Dean Station’s self-entitled debut album. I wonder if Dean Station looks a lot like Station on Bill & Ted’s Boggus Adventure? However they look, it just does not help this album. This one is so bad, that we could not even get past the first song. Perhaps we should send this album to Iraq. Our men and women in the United States Military can play it on a loud speaker to force the enemy to surrender! Then again, I wonder - who was the genius who told this group that they were good? I mean really! Does this person walk tall stating that they discovered this band? I think that I would have tortured myself if I was the one who discovered these guys. Dean Station is like the atom bomb. Neither should have been discovered!
People often wonder if we watch American Idol. No, we don’t. Why should we watch a bunch of no talented dreamers make complete idiots out of themselves when we get that right here at our jobs? Simon Cowell is not a rude person. He is just sick of all the no talented people wasting his time.
Everyone can sing. Everyone can perform. Should everyone record an album? No. Who would be the listeners?
The world needs just as many ditch diggers as it needs performers.
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